I'm sitting here at CaBo and catching up with one of my friends. I haven't spent time with him (not like this) in months. Dennis used to be my housemate, back when I was still figuring out exactly what it was I wanted to do with my 28th year on this crazy ball of earth we call home. There is a lot that has happened, to him, and to me, since we last talked.
Some of what we are discussing surprises me, but I have to say, not much has changed. He's still as steadfast as ever in his convictions. He's still as adorable as ever. He still listens to me with such focus that I feel like I'm really being heard. And yes, he's still the same incurable romantic he always was.
I guess I was always a tad more cynical when it came to the delicate matters of the heart. Not that I ever held back once I felt the emotions running amok through my all too fragile system. Often, this meant that I left myself more vulnerable to heartache more than I would have liked.
I do not have any regrets. Let me make that perfectly clear. Everything that has happened to me, happened because I allowed it. I would be a fool to regret anything now. I would only end up blaming myself. Besides, what's done is done. The lessons have been laid out before me. Now it's all a matter of choosing whether or not I allow the learning to take root. And I do.
I am reminded that I am now 28. They say that every 7 years, one goes through a transition. If that bit is to be believed, then this is a transition year for me. The year when I'm supposed to be undergoing some serious "heart work" and all that jazz. So many things have transpired over the past few months that I guess I do believe something is changing in me.
It is a good change. That much is apparent.
Dennis was telling me about this large house spider he had trapped in a jar during holy week. He named it George. He watched Spider Man with the jar beside him. I can't help but grin at that. Finally, when he decided to set the spider loose, it cowered at the bottom of the jar, perhaps unused to the possibility of freedom being offered to it. Sabi ni Dennis, "O, George, may mga letting go issues ka pala".
In a way I feel like that spider. I see a large gaping hole in front of me and I haven't yet grasped that all I have to do is walk out.
Now, I see. I see where I'm headed. And I can take those first steps to finally letting go: of the hang-ups, the fear, the remnants of a life that is no longer familiar to me. And knowing that, I am happy.
Hello George. I'm Jenny. Welcome to the world. It's not such a bad place to be. :)
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